Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Ten things I hope I don't see during the Super Bowl.

During the Super Bowl, which I will probably watch at least for at least half of the first quarter, or until I get bored silly, or despondent over either the state of our country, or the banality of our industry's output, I hope I don't see any of these things:

Seven $70 million fighter jets flying in formation over the stadium. It reminds me way too much of this. As almost everything does these days.
A 260-pound player who's been accused of spousal abuse being complimented by the announcers for a "good hit."

The Verizon Fios kid. That's all.

The fake Chevrolet ads with the fake guy talking to fake real people about fake advertising claims.

A darkened stadium and thousands of people holding up lighters.

A 12-minute rendition of the National Anthem sung by a Country-Western star associated with the religious right.

Any commercial with a horse, a puppy or a baby.

Companies that can't properly take care of their customers, or are unable or unwilling to answer customer phone-calls, showing spots about how they're changing the world for: veterans, poor children, immigrants, the disabled, etc.

Anything that starts out like an action-movie trailer and winds up selling room-freshener.

Any commercial with five or more seconds of disclaimer copy, or where people sing the brand-name and smile, push their children on swings, or spin in a field with their arms out-stretched.

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