Five Minutes with our CAO.

AD AGED:
Good morning and thank you for taking the time to meet with me today. I can only imagine how busy you must be as CAO--Chief Accounting Officer.

CAO:
Chief Accounting Officer? That title is as obsolete as reading ink on paper. It's as dated as 4:3.

These days CAO stands for Chief Ageism Officer.

AD AGED:
I see. That makes sense. I've read that people over 50 years old makeup less than six percent of holding company workforces, while they make up about one-third of the US population.

CAO:
Yes, that's true.

AD AGED:
So, you work to rectify imbalances like that. Very admirable.

CAO:
Not exactly. I try to bring a bit more fairness to some of the statistics we hear about aging. We have aging things all around us. We just need to do a better job pointing that out.

AD AGED:
I'm not sure I understand. Please explain.

CAO:
Sure. While only six percent of people employed here are over 50, 82 percent of our office furniture is over 50. In many cases, our conference rooms haven't been refurbished for 50 years, who knows, maybe 75 years.

AD AGED:
I see. 

CAO: 
We're very progressive in that regard. I take issue with the idea that there's ageism here. True, there are only a handful of folks over 50, but there's no shortage of chairs, tables, lighting, technology that's as old-as-the-hills...

Take the sushi in the cafeteria, for instance.

AD AGED:
I'd rather not.

CAO:
Good point. You'll never get old if you eat that shit.