Friday, September 27, 2019

Nobody Asked Me But...5779 edition.

Nobody asked me my sporadically irregular tribute to the great New York sportswriter, Jimmy Cannon. When the prodigiously prolific Cannon had nothing to write about, he'd put together one of these miscellanies. I'm no Jimmy Cannon, but I'm doing the same.

Nobody asked me but....

...Despite about 3000 TV commercials to the contrary I don't believe people spontaneously start dancing. In their homes, in their cars, in their offices, or because they've just taken their medication for the relief of the symptoms of ileitis.

...Especially because they've just had some Paprika-flavored Pringles potato-like chips.

...I know it's not nice to trash other peoples' work but sometimes the work demands it.

...This work demands it.

...About once a day I find myself saying, "Doesn't anyone know Bill Bernbach anymore?" 

...Or David Ogilvy?

...Or Hal Riney? Or Lee Clow? Or David Abbott? Or John Webster?

...More simply, doesn't anyone know you should talk to people as if they're people?

...Speaking of people...Do the senior executives who post photos of their lavish lifestyles on Instagram realize it pisses off all those people who haven't gotten a raise since the early days of the first Bush administration?

...Or do they just not care?

...Living in the second largest Jewish city in the world, and working in an industry with a lot of Jewish employees, it angers me that people routinely schedule important meetings during the Jewish holidays.

...They should know better.

...I can't understand why brands and viewers don't boycott Fox. They are funneling money to racists, misogynists, homophobes and other ists.

...surely football isn't that important.

...I've never enjoyed a corporate event, especially when they're mandatory.

...I miss the old New York Coliseum. And especially the old cavernous Coliseum Book Store.

...Not to mention the original H&H Bagels, where pros like myself would feel the plexiglass to see which bagels were fresh out of the oven.

...Does it seem like every agency has the same "About Us" copy on their websites?

...If I'm such a big schmear influencer, why am I still treated like shit?

...The best single sentence in all of American literature is a good way to end this mess. It's from a short story called "The Young Immigrants" by Ring Lardner.

...“'Shut up,' he explained.”

No comments: