Let me start this quite simply.
Mortified that my trillionaire "handler" has decided to model his spaceship, Blue Orgasm, Blew Orgasm, or Orgasm Origin after me.
Yes, I'll admit.
I am a good-looking guy.
With a shiny dome, a nice helmet and a cute little smile. There was a time when I had an inside scoop on a lot of insides. And I've seen more than my share of $200 silk boxer shorts.
I made other penises eat their hearts out.
Because not only am I one very rich penis.
I am very well endowed.
But to everything, there is a season. And there's a place for everything and everything in its place. So let's leave me where I belong. Not as some supernaturally-sized Anthony Wiener IRL dick pick.
I never wanted to be on a billion-dollar launching pad.
I never wanted a trip into any troposphere.
Outer space ain't my bag.
Inner space. That's where it's at.
So I'm sorry.
Sorry I made a spectpenile of myself. Sorry the whole world had to see me. Sorry the entire Eunuchverse had to see that bald fuck emerge from me wearing a ten-gallon all-hat-no-cowboy cowboy hat.
We're all compensating for something.
Some men have small cars with big engines. Some have giant pickup trucks with even gianter-tires. My boi needs a good psychotherapist like Jared Kushner needs skin-tone.
It's not me.
|Portrait of the trillionaire as a young penis.|