Land of the Fee.

There's practically a truism in the ad-business, the steaming remains thereof, that the richer the client, the less they want to pay for services.

This must be a side-effect of the MBA-mania that's ruined amerika for all-but the wealthiest .25-percent of the one-percent: no one deserves any money except the people who least need it. 

On the other hand, most things you buy, from a cable plan, to a phone plan, to a hotel room, to an airline seat, tack on a variety of fees that are wholly un-optional if you have the scent of humanity about you or are completely un-optional in most-circumstances.

While I'm visiting my younger daughter in San Diego, I'm staying at an nominally over-priced but shitty Hyatt Regency. The room rate is bad enough, but then completely un-optionally, they add on a resort fee of $35/day. 

These sorts of fees are everywhere today. I think president Biden tried to make an issue during a speech about "junk fees." Here are just a few examples according to US News and World Report, a magazine I haven't read since Richard Nixon (speaking of junk) was president.

Not too many minutes ago, I text-bitched to an industry friend of mine about a negotiation I started having with a prospective client. Though this client earns literally billions in revenue, somehow my prices were way beyond their willingness to pay. 

My friend wrote something like, "those mofos don't get out of bed for less than $25K. So F them."

But business is business and as I once over-heard the ex-CFO of Ogilvy say, "there's nothing bad you can say about revenue." 

With that in mind, I wonder if it's time to lower GeorgeCo., LLC, a Delaware Company's fees, but compensate by adding additional "hidden" charges.

Here are a few I'm thinking about.

• Resort fee. If you've resorted to talking to GeorgeCo., you should surely be charged extra for it.
• Baggage fee. A fee to assure that I leave behind all my emotional baggage.
• Freeces fee. A fee to not have to deal with the usual big agency feces.
• Clarity fee. A fee for not making you pay for 128-page powerpoints that are, in the words of Shakespeare, most often, tales told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
• You see, fee. A charge for the breadth of GeorgeCo's knowledge, erudition and references.
• Laffee. Why shouldn't I charge extra for that most valuable of reactions: laughter.
• ClichéFree fee. An extra charge because I promise never to use banalities like "circle back," "robust," or "transparent," in either creative or while chatting.
• Fat fee. A fee for assuring that dead-weight never comes to a meeting.
• Celebrifee. A small additional charge for an actual idea and not using a celebrity (or his eyebrows) to overwhelm your product.
• Small-talk fee. GeorgeCo., makes none. You'll gladly pay for the silence.
• Tro-fee. A charge for work that's focused on genuine business results rather than award-trophies.
• C-fee. An additional charge to keep GeorgeCo., LLC, 100-percent CEO-free.
• Coveefee. My largest additional charge. For incoherence.

We'll start with these for now. 

I'm sure more will come to me, that is, if with these fees in place I don't become a ripe takeover target for whatever holding company is willing to pay the fee.