Friday, February 13, 2026

Ad Aged's First Choose Your Own Adventure Post.

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20 Things I Have Learned.

1.
I won't ever really believe in technology until I can make it all the way through a 100-yard container of dental floss (waxed or unwaxed) without the spool jumping off the spindle and thus be rendered almost useless.

  

2.
You're officially old when your dead friends out-number your living friends. I am getting depressingly close.

3.
If you feel that a headache is beginning it's best not to listen to Tito Puente on your earpods.

4.
Never trust a politician who says he's not a politician.

5.
Let sleeping dogs lie. Let everybody else lie too. They're going to do so whether or not you let them.

6.
The warm kaiser rolls they used to serve at Dubrow's Cafeteria on 7th and 36th have never been surpassed.


7.
If you want to utterly destroy things that are important to you or other, begin cost cutting. Eventually the simple things that you cherished will resemble nothing more than well-packaged food-additives with a sticker that says "New!"

The effort to sanitize warfare doesn’t succeed, no matter how advanced the technology becomes. Don't let anyone, the war department, General Dynamics, Palantir or marketing scientists tell you otherwise.

8.
Certain ideas like "precision targeting" (whether its a rock from a Roman catapult or an email from Best Buy) are perennial human dreams. As a species, they are beyond our grasp.

9.
The Jewish holidays are always early or late.

10.
The higher up you are in an organization, the more people there are who are paid to lie for you.

11.
People who say, "that's my opinion," are usually deniers of facts and reality.

12.
The only difference between one NBA or NFL highlight film and any other NBA or NFL highlight film is the color of the uniforms.

13. 
No one has ever gotten advertised internet download speeds, promised telco network reliability, pharma ad side-effects, or a benefit from loyalty points from Amtrak, AARP or Triple A.

14.
91% of all Olympic half-pipe contestants from amerika are named "Chase." I watched for 20-minutes last night and 91% also seemed to fall.

15.
I was curbing my enthusiasm about forty years before Larry David made it cool.

16.
The ability to make a list can save your life. Especially if it's funny.

17.
Also, the ability to tell a joke. 
Especially if it's funny.

18.
Most also, the ability to do the most loathsome thing first. And get it out of the way.

19.
W.C. Fields said he never drank water because "fish fuck in it."

20.
The ability to write lines like that can make you money.
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Forlorn Friday.

Sometimes if you're a human, it can feel like the world is closing in on you. Put in the parlance of an old Warner Brothers' gangster movie, it feels everybody is out to get you.



If you believe as I do, that the world pendulums between the people having power and the elite having power, we're living at a time where it seems the entire universe is cosmologically aligned to eviscerate your metaphorical scrotum. And not in a good way.

When certain people's paychecks is measured in the trillions, that means many more people have nothing. Of course it's not a zero-sum game, but some sums are taking more than is conceivably decent. (BTW, I'd love to open up a Chinese restaurant for nihilist. I can call it "Dim Zero Sum.")

Of course, you can't go two-pixels deep into the news without quickly feeling like the disunited straits of amerikaka is fast transitioning from a ersatz democracy to an out-an-out serf-society. A few people will have palaces and Bentleys and Saudi jets, and hot and cold-running sex-slaves. The rest of us won't even be able to see a doctor, take a vacation, afford a home, or pass anything along to our children.

Maybe what's set me off this morning is that I finally gave in to the imprecations of my ever-loving and bought a google device so I could get programming on my television. I turned off the TV for good about a year ago. I've lived happily without it for all those months. I haven't missed the pharma commercials, the hysterical refrains of "breaking news," Bobby Crabtree of Colonial Toyota or any of the shows the media offers, all of which are so dumbed down Kaspar Hauser would gladly gallop back to his lupine family to enjoy a good nit-picnic.

Frankly, I feel like a buxom pre-teen girl on the epstein island of modern amerkin. I'll do just about anything other than what they want me to do to be left alone. 

Of late I've read two books that have further scared me down to my pupik bone.

First, "The Second Estate" by Ray D. Madoff. (Unfortunate last name.) Ms. Madoff's work can be summed up in two passages that appear in its first three pages:

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The second book might even be scarier. "The Traitors Circle" is the story of Germany of less than one-hundred years ago. And how one person perverted every norm and persecuted and killed those who would not go along with the perversions.

Every societal institution, every "christian" value was over-whelmed by this barrage of inhumanity and hate. The world burned because of it. And more than one-hundred million people died in short order.

Unfortunately, it feels like it can happen here, and is.

More every day.

Damnit.

























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