ee cummings haiku.

maybe ee was
just too tired to press the
shift key. low iron?

Data.

There's a bit of a hubbub in the ad industry because the vaunted Nielsen organization has undercounted time spent online by 22%. They blame this error on a "computer glitch."

I think the real errors from data come not from computer glitches but from MBA itches.

These days, we test everything. Data proliferates like rabbits mainlining Viagra. We issue decks, reports, studies and white-papers. We reach conclusions. We proclaim proclamations.

In so doing, we mostly prove whatever we want proved. We've got reams of data to back it up.

The fact of the matter is 99% of statistics lie and 99% of all data exists solely to create jobs for people to create, analyze and act upon that data.

As it says in "Proverbs,"
"Wisdom is the principal thing;/therefore get wisdom:/and with all thy getting get understanding."

I'm not for a moment saying data is useless.
But it is useless when it becomes a) an end in itself or b) an excuse to do nothing.

A dicta.

Yesterday, a doe-eyed project manager came to me asking me to anticipate the number of hours a project would take. She showed me the spread sheet she had created which had 2X hours for writing the piece and 1X hours for revisions.

"Oh," I said, "your ratios are all wrong. These days it's 1X for writing and 4X for revisions."

Since that conversation I have been plumbing the depths of my memory, trying to discern if it were ever thus. If the amount of time to "tweak" the work was always the amount of time needed to create the work.

However, I think what's more important than my memory is this simple dicta. The more layers, the worse the work.

Of course substantive errors must be corrected. Of course there are client exigencies that need to be considered. Of course the CMO's nephew hates the word parsnip. Of course no one knows that "app" is accepted shorthand for application. Of course we need to mention our office in Turkey.

Most every client in the world complains about advertising agency fees. There's a simple way to remedy that. Remember: The more layers, the worse the work. And the more costly.

The genius of stupidity.

One of the prominent features of Facebook is that it makes things devastatingly simple. It's easy to keep in touch with "friends." It's easy to be "friends." It's easy to make "friends." It's easy to have "friends."

It's also easy, of course, to express yourself. And why bother with hierarchy and order? That's too complicated, nuanced and "elitist." Simply divide the world into two: Those things you like and everything else.

So I like:
Skittles.
Anti-Leprosy efforts.
Over-priced coffee.
Sunshine.
American Idol.
Skittles.
Saving Darfur.
Obama.
Witches in politics.
Jenn Cook's photos.
Puerto Vallarta.
Skittles.
Air Safety.
Skittles.
Skittles.
Skittles.

Orwell, that prescient seer, warned us what would happen when the Thought Police and their accoutrement were successful at limiting the number of words people use. Words are symbolic representations of thought. Our thoughts have become simplified to the point of banality.

As Christopher Hedges wrote in "Empire of Illusion," Our world is being divided in two. "One, the minority, functions in a print-based, literate world, that can cope with complexity and can separate illusion from truth. The other, a growing majority, is retreating from a reality-based world into one of false certainty and magic. In this “other society,” serious film and theatre, as well as newspapers and books, are being pushed to the margins."

I like that. And Skittles.

Some New York memories.

This post has absolutely nothing to do with advertising, Madison Avenue or nearly anything else. But I'm taking a break from thinking about the spots I'm working on and this circulated through my cerebellum.

When I was a kid, Manhattan was a very different place. The Upper West Side where I lived, was a bit of a battle zone. You thought twice about being mugged when you went out late. Often, when I was working nights, I'd weave my keys between my fingers so I'd be able to cut someone if they tried to assault me.

Graffiti, of course, was everywhere. And unless you lived out in the suburbs, you didn't regard it as a nascent art form. It was a threat. An indication of a social break down. Mind you, before the 1977 blackout which led to days and days of extensive looting, most stores and businesses didn't have pull-down gates. After the blackout, every business did. It seemed, something like today although for different reasons, that civilization was absolutely coming to an end. The city seemed out of control.

There was a supermarket, it's still there in fact, on Broadway between 74th and 75th called Fairway. That part of Manhattan had an inordinate number of older, widowed Jewish women living on pensions. Every Tuesday Fairway held what I called "Bruised Fruit Tuesday." A big bin of damaged fruit would go on sale. You could get a cantaloupe for 19 cents or a honeydew for a quarter.

To my mind, Bruised Fruit Tuesday was the most dangerous New York got. Those old Jewish ladies would cut you down for a bag of plums.

It's bad enough.

That my holding company makes us watch "Corporate Security Videos" written at a 4th Grade-level. It's even worse when they contain typos.

"The intruder was 'waived' in."

Here's the other thing. You can read about five times as fast as you can listen. Having this faux powerpoint crap read to you is a waste (or waist) of time. Further, you could probably run the VO at 1.75 times speed and not lose any comprehension.

Oy.

What country is this?

There's a weird perception on Madison Avenue that most of America earns their living painting surfboards. If they aren't painting surfboards, most of America are pushing their grandchildren on a swing set placed mysteriously in the middle of the woods. Or maybe we're meeting dark-eyed and sultry lovers in a cobble-stoned square in some Mittel-European city that somehow escaped destruction during World War II.

There's a weird perception on Madison Avenue that clueless schlubs who live to watch television and drink beer, for whom tragedy is running out of salsa, get pert blondes without a scintilla of body fat and assertive little breasts that are eager to introduce themselves through their blouse.

There's a weird perception on Madison Avenue that happiness and fulfillment is contingent on how many bars you have and can be purchased for $49 a month with unlimited texting.

There's a weird perception that people dance spontaneously when they are happy. High-five their co-workers. Have sardonic and well-groomed children. That our entire nation can raise a single collective eyebrow as a national display of irony.

Have we as a nation completely forgotten about waxy yellow build-up?

Mathematics don't lie.

I've looked into it. I've done my homework. I've examined it with a high-powered electron microscope. But no matter how hard you try, there's no denying or defying mathematics.

A TV spot, no matter how much crap you want to put in it, or are forced to put in it, is only 30 seconds long--720 frames. No physics in the world, unless you can surf a beam of light, can change that.

I know you have a lot to say. I know everything is your number one priority. I know this is very important. But math is math.

Sorry. I can't change that.

I and Thou.

No, I amn't going all Martin Buber on you. What I want to talk about is the word "we" and how it's used in agencies today.

When I work with a partner (which is, unfortunately, becoming less and less frequent) I always use the pronoun "we." As in "We came up with this." This is out of respect for partnership and in full understanding that my partner will carry me during those times that my brain is fallow. We do work together. So no matter who comes up with the actual idea, "we" did the work.

What has happened more and more in agency life is that corollary job functions have arisen to "support" "creative development."

(I feel about as supported as a 97-year-old's scrotum.)

Just now, I got a note from a doe-eyed project manager. She is writing to the client about some work I have to do.

"We will move forward with refining this approach as well as build an estimate and scope. Let us know if you have any additional thoughts as we forge ahead."

So far as I can tell, I will move forward with refining this approach. We has nothing to do with it. And as far as "we forge ahead" goes, I'm going to grab an overpriced sandwich in a little while, sit at my desk and eat it.

Then when we are good and ready, we will belch, we will wash our hands, we will brush our teeth and we will forge ahead.

Inevitably the talk in the agency business these days comes around to a discussion about agency models.

Usually these models involve chevrons, interlocking circles and inverted pyramids. There is talk about matrices and depending on whom you're speaking with fractal factorials.

There's one agency model that makes any kind of sense.

Keep working until you do something that gets noticed and makes a difference.