From The New Yorker.

And well worth the two minutes.

Geoff Sarkin Is Using Twitter!
by Mike Sacks and Scott Rothman


· Fixing bow tie. Last moment of freedom! Putting out cig, making sure breath doesn’t smell . . . O.K.! Let’s get married!

· Walking down aisle. Stopping. Family and friends waiting for me to finish update. Patience, people! And . . . done.

· Yes! Yes, I do take Helen to be my lawfully wedded wife! Rabbi, please respond when you receive this tweet.

· Also, confirm that it’s “wedded,” with two “d”s.

· Two “d”s, right? Thought so. And we’re good to go? Oh, yes, the kiss! LOL.

· Still LOLing.

· Helen not laughing. Maybe she will in a sec.

· No, still not laughing.

· Kiss is wonderful. Better than expected!

· Attempting to fist-bump rabbi. He’s shaking head no. Not cool! Now what? Anyone know where the receiving line is?

· For those of you at the end of the line, yes, it’s really boring, I know! Orioles are losing, by the way. BIG surprise.

· Ending receiving line early. To everyone still waiting: THANK YOU FOR TRYING. Send your good wishes to geoff.sarkin8@gmail.com.

· Attaching photo of Aunt Bess looking into camera phone and telling me to put down camera phone. Not a bad shot.

· At reception now. Someone do me a kindness? Google “Wedding Dance + Instructions + ‘Always on My Mind.’ ” Thx.

· Uncle Bob from Australia came! Can’t believe he flew 22 hours for this! Just after triple bypass!

· Uncle trying to talk to me. Sending him e-mail. Kind of busy now, obviously.

· Can’t see b/c Helen just smashed wedding cake in my face. Now have cake all over iPhone.

· Not funny, baby. Can’t seem to use the exclamation point now.

· Now I can!!!!!!!!!!

· Guests starting to leave. Check Facebook when you get home, people. Might just be a virtual bouquet of flowers waiting.

· A little mass e-mail to say, “I love u all, even if I did forget some of your names.”

· Checking in at hotel. It’s O.K., not great. Just kidding! It rocks! Good iPhone reception. Walking to room. Orioles lost, btw. SUCKS.

· Alone at last! Luckily, Blue Jays also lost! Watching video of our first wedding dance—http://bit.ly/1hR8s.

· Helen looks ravishing! Thx, Max, for taking over while I shot video!

· Geoff Sarkin will be out of the office until April 26. He is on his honeymoon! Someone at work please post this on system tomorrow?

· Btw, how did Beth in marketing do on her run last weekend? And what was flavor of the Friday doughnut?

· Need to know ASAP! Don’t care what time of night it is!!!!!!!!!

· Nude and waiting for wife to enter bed.

· Anyone see “Law & Order” last night?

· The new Lady Gaga video is crazy scary!

· Would u rather be an elephant or a giraffe? I’d rather be a giraffe. Not sure why. They seem happy. Must be the size of the neck . . .

· Wife getting into bed.

· Oral sex has commenced. Taking off dress sock. And now the other . . . Oral sex has started again.

· Helen seems to be enjoying herself. Anyone out there have any oral-sex stories they want to share? They’re usually pretty funny.

· Making love now. Check out this amazing article on the guy who invented wonton soup—http://bit.ly/2z3Gob11.

· What’s this thing called again? Aireola? Eereola? Areola?

· DAMN! JUST MY LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! I love double-chocolate doughnuts! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! SAVE ONE!!!!!!!

· Before I forget: Marnie, can you check to see if my computer is off?

· @ MarnieAlwysTired: Because I like to “think green,” that’s why! Jeez, Marnie. Shout-out to the environment, hey ya! What! What!

· Still making love.

· No change since last update.

· Helen writhing. I’m changing Facebook status to “Married.”

· Helen still going. Sending in-laws Facebook “poke.” Important to maintain good relations.

· Ceiling shadows look like sea creatures! I take it back. Don’t want to be giraffe. Def want to be sea creature! Cos they swim so fast?

· Helen finished and off to bathroom.

· O.K., now I’m finishing.

· Think I might hit the hay. Exhausted! Will check back in at 3 A.M., everyone! Still thinking of Lady Gaga and sea creatures. What a day!

· It IS areola! Thought so. Thanks, Dad. Is it too soon to call you Dad?

· Uh-oh. Having 2nd thoughts about marriage. Ha. JOKING! This is the best!

· Nighty-night, everyone! Tweet y’all REAL soon . . .

· Taking off bow tie now. ♦