1. We will award ads that have a “cultural impact.” There’s no telling if that impact is positive or negative.
2. We will engage in “human storytelling.” Except when we have Chinese food. Then we’ll engage in “Hunan storytelling.”
3. Despite saying that this year will be less lavish than last, in reality next year will be less lavish than this.
4. The most serious statements about industry retrenchment will be issued from the most expensive hotel suites.
5. People sipping $1000 bottles of wine will judge creative work about world hunger.
6. Meetings to discuss moving Cannes elsewhere will be held at Cannes. Usually in a comped room.
7. Someone will win an award for something to do with Blockchain.
8. Disruptors will be disrupted.
9. Marcel will change everything.
10. We will pledge to be data-driven. Unless we’re in a limo. Then we’ll be Mercedes-driven.
11. A lot of content will be pushed out. 99 percent of it will be unwatchable.
12. Much will be said about brand purpose. Nothing about bran purpose. Which is kind of gross anyway.
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