Monday, November 25, 2013

42 Insults.

1. "Fine words! I wonder where you stole them." - Jonathon Swift

2. "What's on your mind? If you'll forgive the overstatement." -Fred Allen

3. "Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?"- Milton Berle

4. "I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

5. "He is a self-made man & worships his creator." - John Bright

6. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

7. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

8. "She has been kissed as often as a police-court Bible, and bymuch the same class of people." - Robertson Davies

9. "He was one of the nicest old ladies I ever met." - William Faulkner

10. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

11. "He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul." - David Lloyd George

12. "He has every attribute of a dog except loyalty." - Thomas P.Gore

13. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

14. "God was bored by him." - Victor Hugo

15. "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

16. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

17. "Her only flair is in her nostrils." - Pauline Kael

18. "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

19. "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."- Jack E. Leonard

20. "I wish I'd known you when you were alive." - Leonard LouisLevinson

21. "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

22. "His speeches left the impression of an army of pompous phrases moving over the landscape in search of an idea." - William McAdoo (about Warren Harding)

23. "You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it." - Groucho Marx

24. "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."- Groucho Marx

25. "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." -Groucho Marx

26. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."- Groucho Marx

27. "He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death." - H. H. Munro

28. "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

29. "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

30. "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." - James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

31. "He never said a foolish thing nor never did a wise one."- Earl of Rochester

32. "He has no more backbone than a chocolate eclair."- Theodore Roosevelt

33. "A little emasculated mass of inanity." - Theodore Roosevelt(about Henry James)

34. "You're a good example of why some animals eat their young."- Jim Samuels

35. "The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation, but not the power of speech." - George Bernard Shaw

36. "Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other." - Neil Simon

37. "Had double chins all the way down to his stomach." - Mark Twain

38. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

39. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -Mae West

40. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."- Oscar Wilde

41. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -Oscar Wilde

42. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder


theschwartex said...

Of course this is the one year we're not going to be spending Thanksgiving with family. Damn. Well there's always Skype. And Groucho Marx is still the funniest.

Sean Peake said...

My favourite is Capote's jab at Kerouc:
That's not writing, that's typing.

Hannah said...