Thursday, July 26, 2018

I don’t trust….

Random reflections on language, character and people and institutions I don’t trust.

I don’t trust so-called social media experts who don’t have social media followings.

I don’t trust people who have titles that don’t explain what they do.

I don’t trust phone companies that tell you’re they’re preparing for the future (but they can’t answer current complaints.)

I don’t trust phone companies period.

Or cable companies.

I don’t trust banks that ripped off customers, hoodwinked the global economy, then sponsor free Shakespeare in the park and expect applause.

I don’t trust decks that have more than seven pages of set- up.

I don’t trust celebrity chefs.

I don’t trust brand love.

I don’t trust anything said by the US military. Since the end of WWII we’ve engaged in a series of major wars and we have yet to be told the full truth about any of them.

I don’t trust all-staff emails.

I don’t trust working from home.

I don’t trust low-fat cookies.

I don’t trust anyone who has an initial before their first name. Like J. Pilkington Schnoot.

I don’t trust anyone who has a set of initials after their name if it’s not common knowledge what those initials stand for.

I don’t trust people who don’t like golden retrievers.

I dont trust online surveys, quizzes or lists of things like best retirement cities or coolest cars of the 80s.

I don’t trust major corporations who put their names on public spaces. Or people, too, for that matter.

I don’t trust Wikipedia. It conveniently ignores any history that isn’t sunny.

I don’t trust advertised offers. Especially from phone and cable companies.

I don’t trust internet speed claims.

I don't trust anyone or any company that tells me I'm in charge.

I don’t trust anyone who says, ‘we’ll get back to you.’

I don’t trust anyone who uses the words or phrases curate, content, agile, scrum, circle-back or regroup. There are clearer, less-trendy words available.

I don’t trust ‘the wellness’ industry. I know it’s really about sickness.

I don’t trust pharma ads, drug companies, or the people responsible for pharma ads.

I don’t trust local television news. They are using story-selection to manipulate you.

I don’t trust lean corned beef. It’s supposed to be fatty.

I don’t trust motorcades of seven black SUVs blaring sirens through the city. Probably a string of petty bureaucrats flexing their muscles.

I don’t trust any commercial that ends or starts with
"I'm _________ and I approved this message."

I don’t trust people who don’t answer yes or no questions.

I don’t trust people who answer questions beginning with the word so.

I don’t trust people who answer questions by saying ‘that’s a really good question.’

I guess this all proves my daughters correct. I really am entirely too judgey.


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