Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Hell and LinkedIn and Shakespeare.

If there is a hell, an actual, physical hell of burning lakes and cloven-footed devils, I’m more than 99% sure that some resident of therein by now has perfected a social media platform to connect gullible hellions.

It would probably be called StinkedIn and it would be only slightly less pernicious than the version our terrestrial world currently uses.

First, it would be over-run by devils like Gary Satanchuk and his legion of (almost invariably blonde) she-devils who post 97 pieces of video horror, nonsensical homilies, and shameless, cloying, loud and obnoxious self-promotion every hour.

These assertive Succubae would populate your StinkedIn feed like ants at a picnic. You could attempt to un-stink with everyone who likes their bald-faced bullshit, but still their frenzied, Sulphur-smelling effluence would find you and pollute your feed and your mind.

After all, this is hell.

Then there is the hell of the Hallmark greeting cards type. That is, offal-spewers who post asinine statements that offer nothing but affirmation of the limited intelligence of the poster. “Today is the first day,” they post “of the rest of your eternal damnation. Let’s make the most of it!!!” With the requisite and disgusting three exclamation points.

The lowest of the low, of course, in the StinkedIn underworld are those who cloy their way into connection-hood, and then, almost immediately commence the selling process, without having taken the six or so seconds to determine if you’re the sort of person who buys what they’re selling.

Thank you for accepting my connection. As a head of the outsourcing animated video team (2-3 time cheaper and 200% more effective than local studios), may I ask you - in your company, do you use outsource staff for creating videos?

Hello thanks for connecting with me, my name is ________ the director of DYAMAC LTD. A company that deals in Graphic designing, Data Entry, branding, printing, publishing,signage and Translations (English/Swahili) . we deal with all printing works from labels, posters, banners, brochures, t-shirts, umbrellas, magazines, books, pens, folders, business cards, job cards, calendars, stickers, graphics designing etc...... Do you mind sharing your email I send you the company profile and several samples done?....Thank you so much for connecting with me. Be blessed

I would like to introduce myself. I am ___________, a consultant from marketing agency. Our services can help you with: • Search Engine Optimization • Social Media Optimization • Business/Lead gene-ration Campaigns • Content creation/writing • Blogging (both Ghost and Influencer) • Paid marketing campaigns for both social media & search engines Feel free to get back to me if you need any or all of these services for your upcoming project. I would love to share our website with client references from your area on demand. Please reply to get back full proposal.

We are help with having main competency in Website Design, Development, Maintenance, Mobile Apps Development, services at Affordable Price. Do you have any requirement for website services or mobile apps iOS and Android application?

Way back in the early 2000s, my brilliant older daughter, Sarah, got a small part in her high school presentation of Shakespeare’s “The Tempest.” Sarah played the role of Ariel and she dutifully incorporated rehearsing her lines into her daily life.

It was not unusual to see Sarah going about her business and declaiming, “Hell is empty and all the devils are here.” It was a line she related to at 14 and understands even better today. In this benighted age who doesn't?

Shakespeare, of course, knew nothing of social media.

But he understood it all too well.

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