Thursday, March 7, 2019

A (Brief) Modern Advertising Lexicon.

Addressable TV: Unwatchably bad television with unwatchably bad ads customized for you.

Advertising: Computer-generated banner ads blocked by 37% of all people and ignored by the remaining 63%.

Agile: Two days to create an ad, four months to approve it.

Banner ad: An ad seen mostly by bots  and never clicked on. (See interactive ad.)

Broadcast TV: What American households claim not to be watching for an average of eight hours a day.

Caveat: 20 minutes of saying everything that's wrong with a :30-second spot.

Click-through-rate (CTR): A precise measurement of near absolute zero.

Conference call: 14 people typing. One person saying "who just joined?"

Content: Anything longer than a commercial and of lower quality.

Contextual advertising: Targeted annoyance.

Conversion rate: See Click-through-rate above.

Cookie: The primary currency of the Surveillance Economy.

Customer-acquisition: A measurement based on the spurious idea that people are objects to be acquired.

Data-mining: Selling other people’s property without their knowledge and against their will.

Experience: A synonym for seeing. eg. “I experienced that site.” Formerly, “I saw that site.”

Immersive: Something someone tells you is supposed to be interesting.

Interactive ad: An ad people interact with by ignoring it completely.

Meeting: 8 people texting; 8 people typing; 2 people talking; nobody listening.

Pop-up ad: The last thing you see before you install an ad-blocker.

Print: Non-applicable.

Privacy: See above.

Re-targeting: Data-driven stalking.

Rich-media: Unviewed ads that make media departments rich.

Robust: A complicated way of building something no one will visit.

Tracking: Surveillance.


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