Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Help me! Help me!

I just got an email from an old friend and I noticed her title under her email signature. "Global Solutions Leader."

Oh dearie dear.

As the world's economy begins to look like "The Fall of the House of Usher," that title stopped me. I'm sure my friend the Global Solutions Leader, is one of hundreds of Global Solutions Leaders at her company. I'd guess Latin American Solution Leaders report into her. And Asia/Pacific Solution Leaders. I'd also guess that no one--no one in her company has the title Global Solutions Follower. (You can't really be a leader if no one follows, right?) I'm sure there are Global Solution Leader off-sites and I'm sure it's hard to get on Global Solution Leaders' calendars. I'd guess that when some people get a call from a Global Solution Leader their hands get clammy and they worry about being fired.

But here's my question: What do you do?

What kind of solution (saline?) do you lead globally? And if a solution is lost in Micronesia on its way to Poughkeepsie, can it call you so you can properly lead it?

I think Global Solution Leaders are a large part of our economic morass. They are a small piece of the rigmarole miasma the afflicts the world today.They are among the legions of people paid to think think think about everything that could possibly be wrong with anything anyone does. So, guess what, nothing gets done.


theschwartex said...

Actually I'm getting a bit desperate, so if you hear of any opportunities for a "Global Solutions Follower" let me know. Sounds like a great chance to travel without all the pressure of leading.

BTW-remind me to never send you an email with my title under it.

Anonymous said...

Here's a great money-saving tip for recession-minded ceo's everywhere.

Fire everyone with the word "global", "worldwide", "strategic", "North American", "integration", "engagement", "innovaton" or "emerging" in his/her title.

No one will notice.

george tannenbaum said...


But they will notice those titled folks are gone. Things will work better.

Tore Claesson said...

I was once handed a business card with the title "Lord of Creation". Am still not sure if it was a joke, although this was in Australia, at the time known for its irreverence. I wonder if he ever became Universal Omnipotent Lord of Creation?

Anonymous said...

"Rigmarole Miasma"?

George my brother, you are single-handedly holding the line against the decline of the English language. Bless you for that.

Anonymous said...

Ah, "solution"--my most hated copywriting word. A brush is a massy-hair solution, a cookie is a hunger solution, a Kleenex is a doggie-poop-on-my-shoe solution. "Solution" means nothing--it's what you say when you can't think of anything else to say. So please, please can we stop using it in advertising? Especially in someone's title.