Friday, September 17, 2021

Five Minutes with Our CBID Officer.

AD AGED: Thank you for taking five minutes to speak with me today. You're the Holding Company's CBID Officer. Tell me, what does that abbreviation stand for?

CBIDO: Rather than try to tell you in words--let me do something special. Let me communicate to you using the language of interpretive dance. [DANCES]

AD AGED: Lovely. But I have no idea what you as a CBID Officer do. Could you clarify in a more conventional way. Like using words.

CBIDO: Here at the Holding Company, we've discovered something. 

At the big moments in people's lives...when they get a raise, when they're approved for a mortgage or a small business loan, when their microwave rings indicating that their Big & Bold Hot Pockets Chicken Bacon Ranch frozen sandwich is ready, you know what most people do?

AD AGED: They get on with their lives?

CBIDO: Don't make me laugh. 

Normal people--whenever something happens--whether they discover they have breast cancer, or they've bought a new foldable Korean phone ostensibly made by de facto slave labor--they break into dance. Ergo, I am the CBIDO.

AD AGED: The Chief Break Into Dance Officer?

CBIDO: Precisely. What's more natural than undulating in public as an expression of your unbridled joy and lack of inhibition. What could be more human than breaking into dance?

AD AGED: I see. So you...

CBIDO: I make sure every commercial begins and ends with people dancing. What could be more real? More uplifting? More empowering...more Dancetastic!


Open on a heavyset African American woman who discovers she has cancer.

Cut to the same woman receiving meds from her bifocal'd doctor.

Cut to the same woman--with friends in her cancer support group...they break into dance! 

That's Beckett! That's Albee! That's Shakespeare! A crescendo of humanity expressed in primordial dance.

AD AGED: Well, thank you for your time today.

CBIDO: I'll dance to that!

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