The successful candidate will be a critical and hyper-critical and overly-critical part of our lean and mission-critical team of problem-solving thinkers, consultants and "Control-the-Room-inators.™" The successful candidate can quickly deliver business insights through understanding audiences, developing data-led decisions, customer experiences and strategy direction as well as off-strategy mis-direction, not to mention ms.-direction and Mr-direction.
You’ll be a fast worker, so fast that sometimes you'll be done with your work-week before the work-week even begins. You'll deliver both impeccably and without pecc and on-time, even though time is a man-made and mutable construct with no fixed basis in reality. Unlike this job description and everything else emerges from GeorgeCo (hereafter known as dba Dipshitz) your strategy will be sublimely simple and simply sublime. During the summer when we have cocktails on our rooftop basement, we will serve cocktails with sublime, sublemon and the occasional subolive. And your presentations will be perfectly persuasive and persuasively perfect in an unpersuasively imperfect way.
What's more and most-important, you will derive, present and sell-to-the client substantive reasons why every actor in every commercial we sell, shoot, produce and otherwise sully, begins to break into dance at the drop of a proverbial hat. As if the whole of America isn't mired in an ever-deepening descent into diseases of despair. Because we dance. We dance in car commercials. We dance in pharma commercials. We dance in phone commercials. We dance in cable tv commercials.
You’ll be liaising directly with clients to understand their challenges, and proposing, planning and delivering strategy engagements that will meet their needs. Not only will you meet their needs, you will knead their meats (pending HR-protocols). You will also spend weeks at a time making, concocting and otherwise crafting perfectly stupid words like liaising--when a normal word like meeting would be completely functionizableizationable.
You’ll bring 700 or 7000 or 70 years of strategy double-speaking and e-confusionization™ as a marketer that can translate martech, startech, fart-tech and barftech, understanding into client language with a customer-first mindset; orchestrating communications strategies based on the capabilities, a clients' systems, protocols, beliefs and payments, but equally pushing for a better future state and vision.
You are able to demonstrate your ability to build and maintain strong relationships with clients to sell/deliver work aligned to their organisation's needs; be comfortable with non-linear processes and ambiguity, that is contradiction, lying, lack of clarity and last-minute changes in direction. You'll be a believer in lurching, lunging, lunching, collaboration, turning inklings into insights, insights into possibilities, germs into viruses into pandemics and bringing stories to life in ways that create profitable behavior change and crush the souls of the sentient. You'll be such a team-player and believer in collaborationization that occasionally you'll take home a team-mate's paycheck--after all, you collaborated on the work, you deserve it, goddamn it.
You will also when writing, spell words as they're spelled in England--like organisation for organization and you will at least once per presentation use the word whilst whilst abjuring if not negating the use of the more prosaic word, while. Oh, and cheers. You will say cheers.
You will be responsible and accountable for managing, over managing and micro-managing the overall lack-of-quality, myopic vision, retrograde innovation and execution of all creative and creatives both deliverables and undeliverables. Leading integrated, segregated and cheese-grated, multi-discipline teams. You will ensure that the work is aligned with the client’s marketing reflecting the brand’s equities and inequities and meets the objectives as defined in the creative briefs and the uncreative boxer shorts. You are ultimately accountable for the overall unaccountability therein.
The offer is void where prohibited and prohibited where voiding.
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