Thursday, October 22, 2009

No wonder our brains have rotted.

This is from Harper's Magazine. It is a synopsis of television listings by Brett Fletcher Lauer, in jubilat: 15, a “found text composed of movie descriptions from online TV guides.” Lauer is the poetry editor of A Public Space.

A former soldier tries to rescue a kidnapped nuclear physicist from a terrorist who wants her to create warheads.

A corporate climber, whose boss and others use his apartment for hanky-panky, aids a young woman.

A litigious brother-in-law urges an injured TV cameraman to sue.

A declared-dead man hides out with a widow after his wife and her lover botch his murder.

The Russian inventor of a new marine propeller falls in love with a woman in 1939 London.

The amateur sleuth has a killer, a gangster, and the police on his trail.

An assistant New York district attorney works and flirts with his adversary and her kooky artist client.

A checkout girl covering for a coworker faces danger from a drug dealer she double-crosses out of desperation.

Evil partners experiment on an infant and send his twin to a reputable research nursery.

Four teenage outcasts use mental and physical powers to punish their high school tor-mentors.

An insurance salesman joins would-be heirs and the butler in a mansion with a millionaire’s corpse.

Three inept private eyes try to catch a killer gorilla at a spooky mansion.

A law-enforcement officer from Earth seeks vengeance for his brother’s mysterious death on Mars.

A dishonest lawyer must prove he is not a killer.

Genetically engineered piranha head for a beach resort.

A man takes singing lessons from drag-queen neighbor.

People hide in a house from carnivorous walking corpses revived by radiation fallout.

An innocent couple face life in prison after false accusations of child molestation.

Explosives ace helps woman get revenge in Miami.

A giant mutated lizard wreaks havoc in New York.

An undercover policeman tries to thwart an old friend, now a Los Angeles gang leader.

David and Kathy spend half of their third date lying and the other half confessing.

A mystery writer and her friends are stalked by a faceless throat-ripper in a haunted house.

Rival reporters mix romance with work as they hunt an apartment-house killer.

A doctor injects himself with ape fluid and turns hairy; he needs human fluid to turn back.

While blackmailing a corrupt police officer, a man becomes involved with two women.

No-frills policewoman is ordered to protect a pampered actress who has witnessed a murder.

From a sanitarium morgue slab, a corpse tells how she died and who was involved in her death.

Sent to a Wyoming summer camp, troublemaking surfer twins are mistaken for forest-ranger recruits.

A fourteen-year-old orphan becomes an NBA basketball player after he finds a pair of magic sneakers.

An all-powerful New York gossip columnist gives a press agent some dirty work.

A woman gives etiquette lessons to her reluctant granddaughter who is heir apparent to a throne.

A conspirator turns an arrogant ruler into a llama.

9 comments:

peter said...

There was a time when I, as an advertising copywriter, envied TV writers and thought they were the real deal. What a joke. And now, unwatchable Reality TV has decimated their form and their prospects.

Kelly said...

George,

The 2nd one is The Apartment.

Is it wrong that I saw this as a round of Trivial Pursuit instead of a symptom of our vast vapidness?

The 2nd to last one is The Princess Diaries.

The 5th one was an Olivier film. Give me a minute, maybe I'll remember the name.

Oh, fine. I'll stop now.

Regards,

Kelly

P.S. The checkout-girl one sounds awfully familiar.

geo said...

The one below that is also a Billy Wilder movie with Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau called "The Fortune Cookie."

I guess when you boil things down to eight words, it's hard to make them sound intelligent.

Anonymous said...

good evening people. I'm honestly into shoes and I was looking allowing for regarding that particular brand. The prices as regards the boots are around 320 bucks everwhere. But for all I found this locate selling them for half price. I in reality want these [url=http://www.shoesempire.com]prada sneakers[/url]. I will absolutely order these. what can you tell me about these?

Anonymous said...

hi there fellas. I'm actually into shoes and I was digging allowing for regarding that exact make. The prices due to the fact that the boots are all over 240 pounds on every page. But definitively I bring about this locate selling them someone is concerned half price. I in reality like those [url=http://www.shoesempire.com]prada sneakers[/url]. I will absolutely purchase these. what can you tell me about these?

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.

Anonymous said...

good day friends. I'm actually into shoes and I was looking allowing for regarding that exact brand. The prices as regards the sneakers are approximately 250 pounds on every page. But finally I bring about this site selling them for half price. I exceptionally want those [url=http://www.shoesempire.com]gucci sneakers[/url]. I will absolutely order them. what do you think?

Anonymous said...

hi there people. I'm actually into shoes and I have been searching allowing for regarding that meticulous make. The prices seeking the boots were approximately 330 dollars on every site. But for all I bring about this area selling them for the benefit of half price. I absolutely like those [url=http://www.shoesempire.com]gucci sneakers[/url]. I will definetly buy them. what is your opinion?

Anonymous said...

hi there friends. I'm actually into shoes and I had been looking for that meticulous model. The prices for the boots are all over 220 bucks on every page. But completely I set this location selling them for the benefit of half price. I exceptionally want those [url=http://www.shoesempire.com]gucci sneakers[/url]. I will probably order them. what is your opinion?